Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Reject

Or maybe wishes don't come true easily

I'll never attain that heart of gold, diamond, or pearl that soon. You are right. not an inch of me loves anyone deeply. i am afraid.

Fear is not an excuse, but fear is real. Give me time, i will change.

The only way i know how to deal with your tears is to close my eyes and my heart to them. Reject them like mine have been rejected before. Hate emotions like how mine have been exposed to hate. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

Tears are useless, they blind your thoughts, make you irrational, make you cave in even deeper. make you weak, make you vulnerable, closes your door for communication because they blind you and you can't see anything besides your miserable world and miserable thoughts.

Your emotions frustrate others. Don't voice out too much, they don't care. Don't love anyone too much, don't get hurt by them. I don't care. Feel truly alone and live with it, meet people who are alone. They all know to not depend on each other - interaction is considered love. We are lone rangers.

They love you more when you're not useless and emotional anyway.

Hear me, i know my fear is not an excuse to not respect you, love you, or care for you. I am sorry, and i am sorry i can't say these to you directly. I am sorry for i have been cold and ignorant, but i can't feel your tears, your emotions. I cannot bring myself to accept them or you will be the same way over and over and over again.

-

If these are my truest thoughts, then i am afraid i have lost myself.

I have lost myself.

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